sweet boy, i always hug you extra tight. i cherish you every day. but this weekend my hugs were more reflective, more thankful. i kissed you and smelled you and loved on you, breathing you in. 26 moms and dads lost their loves on friday in such a tragic way. 20 of them were little kids - little perfect kids, with so much life to live. to say it has shaken many of us to our core would be an understatement. i know i've written to you about this before, a few months back when there was a shooting at a movie theatre in colorado. i really didn't think it could get worse than that. i was wrong.
now that i have you, i see things through such a different lens. i really can't imagine our world without you. i have cried for those moms and dads all weekend, wondering how in the world they can go on. i pray they have other children to remind them that life must go on. to imagine the pain in their hearts the moment they learned that it was their child that wouldn't come out of that school on friday is just awful. the images that must go through their heads. i once heard a woman describe life after she lost her son - she explained that as her world froze in time, everyone else's seemed to go on. as much as she wanted to bury herself in her bed, and never come out, her family still needed her. the clock still ticked. the sun came up. it went down. time didn't stop, as much as she wanted it to just stop, it wouldn't. as much as she hated it, it was what ended up saving her life. i pray for those parents multiple times a day. hoping that one day they remember their sweet babies without the overwhelming memories of how they were taken.
it's hard to think about the world i've brought you into, wyatt. it's days like friday where i wonder if there is any good at all. i promise you there is. there is good in the world. it's filled with love, and wonder, and peace. there are amazing people everywhere, with stories to share. stories i know you'll learn from someday. amidst tragedy, there is hope. there are people that come to each others' side. friendships are strengthened. i promise you sweet boy, there is good in this world.
we will continue to show you the goodness, as you continue to show us.
love you always,
mama