0 i get it, finally, 31 years in

when i was little, i can remember asking my mom and my dad what they wanted for their birthday's. i can remember asking and expecting "an actual answer". instead, i'd get something along the lines of, "i just want to spend time with you" or "i don't need anything as long as i get to celebrate with my family". i can remember always being so disappointed with that answer. it seemed so lame at the time. so cheesy. so not helpful. i needed gift ideas. you know, like a watch or new decorative bath soaps, or a new hammer (plastic), or keychain. (these were actual things i got my parents when i was little -- sure, they were from the dollar store, but i was proud nonetheless.)

last weekend, ty asked me what i wanted for my birthday. my answer? just to spend time with him and wyatt. as long as i spent my day with them, i would be one happy camper. sound familiar? 

yep, i get it. that answer is THE ONLY ANSWER NOW. the only thing i want for my birthday is to spend time with my family, my kids. except that answer is not meaningless. it's not cheesy. it's not disappointing. it honestly is all i want. wyatt will ask me the same question i asked my mom every year. and my answer will be the same. he'll look at me just like i looked at her. i'll look at him, just like she looked at me. knowing that some day, if he's really lucky, he'll get to say the same exact thing to his wide eyed, unknowing kidlet. 

31 years in, i am lucky. i am reflective and happy. i've learned a lot about life this last year. i've learned a lot about what i can handle. i've learned i am strong. i have learned that even with so much change, i am still me, just with a few more layers. 

happy birthday to me. the one that is quickly becoming just like her parents. the one that now gets it.