i have a long commute. in the mornings, it's actually not that bad but on the way home it can take me anywhere from 45 minutes to an hour to finally pull into my driveway. since becoming a mama, there's a bright side here. i get about 45 minutes to myself, in a quiet place, listening to the sounds of my choosing. i have 45 minutes to transition from work-me to wife-me / mama-me. my brain shifts modes and as i do my best to wrap up the loose ends of my day in my head, i prepare for whatever i may walk into when i get home. i reflect on the day - the things i accomplished and of course, all of the things i didn't. i mentally check things off my list and add to an already long one for the day ahead. by the time i get home, wyatt is pretty much done for the day. it seems that i enter the scene right about the time he's hitting the low point of his day. after a few happy slobbery kisses and hair pulling yanks to cozy into him, i usually get a baby that's ready to hit the sack. he nurses, he crashes. sometimes for an hour, sometimes even for "the night" (i use this term lightly).
after about 20 minutes of being home, i found myself laying down my pooped out kiddo. he had a fun filled day with grandma, learning new things and making new sounds. it's on these evenings that i have the opportunity to reflect on my old life. what it was like to come home to a couple of dogs, a pair of sweats, and a non-barfed on t-shirt, and a slew of DVR shows to catch up on while i drank some wine and caught up on work. (now i would consider it "getting ahead" on work.)
my new life consists of me or ty scrambling to make a fast dinner, while i think about a new to-do list. this to do list usually consists of things like email lindsay back, call my mom, listen to my 4 day old voicemails, text annie back, text lisa back, and oh ya and - kiss my husband, pet my dogs, wash my face, brush my teeth, make bottles for tomorrow...
a.k.a.
be a good wife.
be a good mama - to both my baby and my pups.
be a good daughter.
be a good friend.
lately i kind of feel like i'm failing in some of these departments - especially the friend and daughter department. by the time i get home, i know i only have a few hours of awake time before my head and my body practically shut down on me, giving me no choice but to give in. never have the words "not enough hours in the day" rang so true to me. i live for the weekends - so i can try to earn some points back and bring those F's up to at least a mediocre C.
the bright side is that i'm living the life i've always craved - to be a wife and a mom, to love my job, to have a forgiving husband, understanding friends, and loving mama myself all allow me to ride this wave - loving the good days, along with the hard days. knowing that i'm loved, and giving myself grace all along the way.